John 8:32 - 'you will know the truth, the truth will set you free' (Kohyee)

Since young, I had always had bad temper. ‘Cry baby’ was my nickname. I got really angry or offended by the slightest matter such as when something wasn’t the way I wanted to be. When people didn’t listen to me, I cried to buy my way out. I used to blame my mother for this kind of attitude because my mother was very hot-tempered too. Whenever people confronted me regarding my temper and attitude, I would shout at them telling them that ‘this is me, accept it because I’ll never change’. It had never occurred to me how much pain other people felt when I was in my `regular’ mood swings. My evil tongue would betray me and manifested harsh words and swearing even if I did not mean to say it out. I never considered the consequences of all those words. Basically I’m a selfish pig, as one would call me.
People say that having siblings makes life a whole easier. But for me, it wasn’t that case. Having 3 elder sisters in the family was a nightmare. Not only it did not make me as a favorite child in the family, I did not have good clothes nor could I pick what I want to eat. As a young child, I was filled with jealousy and envy, towards my friends and relatives. I became very self-centered. Stealing and lying were my habit.
When I grew older, I felt that I was slowly changing to a better person. My regular mood swings became less intense but still frequent. In fact, it was so normal for people to see me that way and my friends in secondary school accepted me as the way I was. I never felt that there were any problems with my attitude because I simply asked people stay away from me when I was angry so that I wouldn’t have chance to yell at them. But I still showed my anger by throwing things around, slamming the door, etc. However, jealousy and envy got hold of me even more than the past. There was strife in me to compete with others, the desire of being better and being more loveable all the times in my heart.
Then when I entered into college, I met a few good friends who are Christians, and that’s when I started having real contact with Christianity. At that time, I still thought that Christians are good people because that is what they have to do when they have a religion. When my friend confronted me regarding my temper telling me that the reasons why I was so temperamental was because I did not know God. I did not have God in my life. My response to her at that time was: nonsense!! I was born with this temper. There’s nothing you or I could do about it. I only realized how wrong I was when I started coming to church 5 years later.
Now I learn that God is love (1 John 4:16). Without God in my life, I have no love for others. God gave us two commandments: to love God and one another (Matthew 22:37-39). Without experiencing God’s love, we will never be able to love others (1John 4:19). When I thought of my friends, how could they love me so much even though I was always causing bitter around them? On the other hand when I looked at myself I could identify what Paul said in Romans 7:15-20, Ican have desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do. I thank God for this truth that is revealed to me as it was said in John 8:32 “the truth will set me free”. We can experience this freedom because we commit our lives to Him. We are willing to follow Him and obey Him (John 8:31). When I decided to commit myself to Christ through baptism, I was still thinking of backing out because I found it is ridiculously difficult to change myself. Once again I looked into myself but God spoke to me through an email with the title `resolved to be transformed’ God reminded me to offer my life to Him once and for all as a living sacrifice then keep on renewing my mind to be transformed (Romans 12:1-2). Thanks to God for His encouragement to strengthen me for the decision I made. Now with the Holy Spirit’s guiding me, I am constantly reminded not to be bitter, not be angry, not to envy nor jealous at anyone, but to love others even if they are not loveable in the eyes of us (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).